This past week brought forth a gorgeous harvest moon and the Autumnal Equinox. As I celebrated the Rite of Mabon with my coven, I could feel an internal shift toward quieter days, solemnity, and the inner reflection that comes with this time of year. I faced westward on the ever-turning wheel, knowing that I’d have to deal with the ‘watery’ aspects of my life that I tend to avoid. The truth is that I am deeply emotional and contemplative. I turn myself inside out, but I do it when I’m alone, facing a blank page, and relatively safe from scrutiny. I could not be a writer without tapping into the crevices of my heart and pulling out words that express these irrepressible feelings.
But I was taught to swallow pain, to hold my tongue, and to do what is expected of me. I come from a long line of stoics. I have never shed one tear at work, no matter how bad my day was or what was going on in my personal life. I read this line back to myself and wonder…should I be proud of this? It seems inhuman. The gift of being a double earth sign is groundedness, even in the midst of chaos. The curse is that the walls and barriers can become too thick to let others inside, even the people who have the best intentions. Asking for help is the hardest thing in the world for me, because it means reliance on someone else…it means trust. It means letting down that drawbridge, throwing open the castle doors, and giving the guardsmen the night off.
As we are now in the sign of Libra, which is my rising sign, I am reminded that I need to strike a better balance between staying rooted to the earth and going with the flow. Sometimes it is okay to be carried away, to plunge deeply into an emotion, and to be more open to what is going on around me. Sometimes it is okay to take a risk, to trust, and to lead with more heart and less analysis.