When You’re Woo-Woo as F*ck, and Your Partner Isn’t

It may surprise you to know that despite being a witchy, Goddess-powered kind of woman, I cohabitate with a man who is decidedly non-woo. It has come to my attention that there are quite a lot of us out there who maintain some type of spiritual practice that doesn’t involve our partner. It’s like we’re all keeping a holy sanctuary that our most-loved person never enters.

Does it matter? Well, that depends.

For some, it’s no big deal, as long as the partner is respectful and understanding about things like burning candles, wafting incense, reading Tarot cards, and being highly conscious of the moon’s exact phase and astrological transits. As long as love is the foundation of the partnership, it works well enough.

I’ve also known women who relish their spiritual path as their private, inner world, and they have absolutely no wish at all to share any of it with a partner. Doing so would almost feel like a violation, because they have fought so hard to create that sacred space for themselves.

For others, spirituality becomes a sticking point. They want and need their partner to be fully on board and engaged with them and their woo-woo. Questions can begin to arise like, ‘If my partner rejects my spiritual values, does he/she reject me as well?’ and ‘If I can’t share this part of my life with him/her, then do we really even have a relationship?’

In the earlier days of my break from mainstream religion, I was thrilled if the guy I was with didn’t bug me about church or try to convert me. It was even better if he didn’t freak out over words like witchcraft, Goddess, and pagan. (Having been raised in the South, I was recovering from the emotional abuse and patriarchal wounds I received from the church. The slightest mention of evangelicalism would send me running).

So, I only looked for tolerance and open-mindedness from potential lovers, and that’s mostly what I attracted. The word witch almost served as a kind of litmus test to see who would stick around, although I have to say that many didn’t care what I believed or practiced. They were far more interested in my body than my mind and spirit anyway.

I thought that men who were spiritually awake, plugged in, and switched on would be too much to hope for, quite honestly. I figured I’d be doing really well just to find one who was stable, reliable, intelligent, driven, and kind. Enter Domestic Partner #3, who has all of those qualities.

I felt that he was extremely fortunate to have parents who didn’t drag him to church or force him to practice any type of religion. I certainly wasn’t going to do that to him, either. He formed his own beliefs, which are pretty close to agnostic if I had to put a label on them. He has always been supportive of me, but we’ll never share the same views on the inner-workings of the Universe and the things I feel inside but can’t always explain.

Our relationship works, as long as my witching and priestessing takes place on the outskirts of our daily life. It works, as long as my woo-woo conversations are limited to friends and members of my community. It works, as long as I don’t connect the dots between sexuality and spirituality. It works, as long as I don’t care if he ever joins me in my inner temple. It works, as long as I keep this immense part of myself, which informs so much of my writing and all that I do, separate from all that we do as a couple.

Sometimes I do care, though I try hard to release any expectations. I’ve learned that having expectations of anyone is always a recipe for disappointment. Knowing that is one thing; putting it into practice is another. Sometimes it’s lonely. Sometimes I feel we are speaking a completely different language, and there is no translator. Sometimes I follow the flowchart back to the beginning and find that the heart-centered medicine men and sages of this world are still in short supply.

I’ve never felt that my partner rejected me personally or even my spiritual outlook directly. It’s more that I question how deeply a relationship can go if one of the most important aspects of my life can only be experienced with other people.

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Jen Miller View All →

Jen is an inspirational writer, practical witch, tarot reader, priestess, and women's circle leader. Her passion is exploring and celebrating the Divine Feminine through creative arts, shamanic ritual, intuitive readings, and holistic healing.

8 Comments Leave a comment

  1. I hear and feel you here, Jen. While I am able to more openly share and practice my spiritual journey with my partner, he is not on the same spiritual journey as I…and that’s what I have to remind myself of over and over. I have to constantly remember that he is his own person. And for me, because we are NOT on the same spiritual journey, it “forces” my spiritual growth to deepen. I have to own my spiritual journey as MINE, not needing my partner to take my journey with me to validate it…or me. 🙂 And even that is part of my journey…and for me, it’s not easy.
    Thank you for sharing your heart.

    • You make an excellent point about not needing your partner to validate your own journey. It’s true that being spiritually solo can force your own growth to deepen as well, because your partner absolutely cannot (and should not) carry you. In my experience, only the Goddess can do that.

  2. Very interesting take on your personal journey. I feel very comfortable and familiar with what you have presented here. I have finally reached a stage where there is nothing to do except to be who you are. I try to live my life with love and respect for the world around me, recognizing the interconnectedness of everything, if others have issues about how I function in the world it’s their journey to solve and work through. If they ask for assistance in understanding where I am or were they are currently, I am willing to listen openly.

    • It’s wonderful to have reached a stage where you are comfortable with being yourself. I have certainly made the mistake of ratcheting down to another person’s level, and that never feels good. You make an excellent point about letting others work out their issues on their own. It’s not our job to make others feel okay with our chosen path. If they are genuinely seeking a better understanding of us or what we believe and practice, then there is room for open dialogue. If not, then we have to let it go.

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