Why It’s Harder to Say Yes

A friend posted recently about saying no to whatever doesn’t serve your highest good. I’ve written about this topic before, I’ve coached others on it, and I’ve worked hard at establishing my own healthy boundaries. I had to slay the image of the nice, obedient church girl that everyone thought I should be, and then I had to deal with the shame of not meeting that impossible expectation. I was never going to be a “good girl” for anyone. I turned out to be witchy, hard to pin down, unapologetically sexy, fiercely feminine, a little bit salty, deeply intuitive, and wildly creative. I am the antithesis of my homegrown Southern Bible Belt programming, thank Goddess. If that’s too much for you, feel free to move right along.

I responded to my friend’s post with: “Saying NO is the easiest thing in the world for me. My inner Gandalf will step right up and say, ‘Thou shall not pass!’ Saying YES to what DOES serve my highest, bestest, and most awesome self is harder. It’s the other half of the worthiness issue.”  

I realized that setting boundaries and having a strong stance is only half the equation. It will get you to a place of neutrality. You won’t have all the drama and chaos anymore, and that will feel fantastic. You can breathe. You know that in any situation, you won’t be compromising your true self. That’s amazing, and you should celebrate that hard won victory.

But what deserves an authentic, soul-fired yes? What do you want now that you’ve made some space?

See, that’s harder. Because that kind of yes always involves risk and stepping outside the comfort zone. Take the class. Go to the event. Start the exercise program. Book the trip. Go on the date. Be your own boss. Love with your whole heart.  

It all looks brilliant on paper, and it usually gets tossed into the bottomless Someday Bucket. Why? Because of the f-word. No, not that f-word. The really nasty one—fear.

In Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom, John O’Donohue writes:

Those who are drawn to extremes are often nearer to renewal and self-discovery. Those trapped in the bland middle region of respectability are lost without ever realizing it.

I know, right?! O’Donohue always hits me right where I live, bless his gifted soul, which is why I love the book and return to it often.

The antidote prescribed in most articles about this topic is to say yes to everything. Don’t second guess. Don’t overanalyze. Don’t go bankrupt, either, but do start saying yes to real opportunities, large or small, whenever they show up.

If you’ve been sitting around in neutral for a while, though, it’s likely that nothing is inspiring you. Invitations probably aren’t flooding your in-box. You’ve gotten so good at saying no that the Universe takes the hint and leaves you the fuck alone. (It does that—receives and responds to the vibes you’re sending out, no matter what you might be pinning to your vision board).

So, how do you draw some juicy opportunities into your life that are worthy of an enthusiastic yes? What would a witch do? She’d work some magic, of course.

Talisman to Attract Opportunity

I love creating talismans (or charm bags) when I need to work magic that extends over a longer period of time. This one combines materials that are sacred to Mars (for courage and motivation) and Jupiter (for expansion). It is best done during a waxing moon on a Tuesday. If that day isn’t convenient, use the planetary hour for Mars, but make sure the moon is still in her waxing phase.

You’ll need:

  • Two squares of orange fabric, no bigger than your palm (orange is creative, energizing, and regenerative) 
  • Needle and thread
  • Honeysuckle flowers (corresponds to Mars; brings increase and energy)
  • Nutmeg (corresponds to Jupiter; attracts quick, unexpected opportunities) 
  • Tobacco* (corresponds to Mars; deflects negativity; expresses gratitude) 
  • Garnet stone (corresponds to Mars; inspires confidence) 
  • Amethyst stone (corresponds to Jupiter; encourages positive change; calms the mind)

*If you’re sensitive to tobacco or trying to quit smoking, it’s okay to leave this out. 

Put the two squares of fabric together, wrong sides out, and sew three sides. Flip the bag inside out to hide the seams.

Consecrating a talisman can be done in various ways, depending on your own training and traditions. In general, you would need to include the following steps:

  • Meditate to ground and center yourself.
  • Create sacred space.
  • Cast a circle.
  • Call in the four elements and your chosen deities, spirit guides, etc.
  • Hold the herbs and stones, and visualize many wonderful opportunities coming your way before placing each item in the bag. (You may also choose to anoint them with an essential oil).
  • Recite an incantation. I have a thing for incantations that rhyme, so I worked with this one. Feel free to modify it or write your own.
    Flowers, herbs, and stones combine
    in this talisman of mine.
    Work your magic and draw to me
    every good opportunity. 
  • Sew up the bag, or tie it with an orange ribbon.
  • As a final gesture, you may wish to carefully present your talisman to the four elements if you have these represented on your altar (incense, candle flame, water, and salt).
  • Open the circle.
  • Leave your charm bag in your chosen location. You can recharge it with your intentions every few weeks as needed.

A note on magic: no spell is guaranteed. Much depends on your own mindset, energy, emotions, self-worth, and openness to change. 

May you be rewarded with opportunities that deserve your best yes!

Copyright © 2018 Jennifer R. Miller. All rights reserved.

6 thoughts on “Why It’s Harder to Say Yes

  1. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! I really needed this. I will be gathering what I need for this spell while getting my mind and soul “in gear”. Thank you so much, Jen.

    1. You’re welcome! I’d love to hear how things turn out. Wishing you all the right and perfect opportunities!

    1. All magic begins in the mind. All the tools and props we use are just ways of focusing our thoughts and our energy.

  2. I much enjoyed this post. I’ve been indeed in this neutral zone for a good while and I’m not sure which path to take or whether to take any… I will create my own version of this ritual, thank you!

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